Saturday, October 20, 2012

Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite

Kadence Arrabella Anderson is here. Right here. Sleeping soundly on my chest while I try to type. I'm not sure how to even begin the story of her birth. I still get choked up when I think of all that happened and all that has happened since. These moments have been fleeting and soon my time at home with her will be gone, but I can't think about that. It's too hard to type through tears.

It's true what they say about labor. I know it was painful, really painful, the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and yet, I don't remember most of it. I know that I had my eyes closed most of the time. Korey tells me that I threw up several times because of the pain. I remember that I didn't want anyone to touch me. I remember refusing pain medicine for 19 hours, but simultaneously praying that the doctor would come in unexpectedly and say I had to have a C-section. Mostly I remember Korey's voice at every contraction, full of concern and affection, helping me to relax, helping me get through one more. I will admit that I am proud that I went so long without an epidural, but I can't take full credit for it. Without all the love and support of my family, and especially Korey, I would've never been able to do it.

 It was a surprise for us to be in labor that day, but not in the traditional sense. I had dreams of my water breaking at school or during the night, laboring at home for a while and then Korey driving madly to the hospital between contractions, but none of that was meant to be. My girl was past her due date and I had developed pre-eclampsia, something that I will admit I questioned when the doctor said it, but now, after losing over 30 lbs almost immediately after the birth, I am willing to admit that he was probably right. Thank heaven for good doctors who can see what mothers cannot. I went in expecting a normal visit, knowing that it would be my last doctors visit before the baby. We already had an induction date scheduled for the following monday if she didn't come on her own before then. I had expected to have a procedure done to jumpstart natural labor. The doctor seemed hurried and I wasn't quite sure why it was a total shock when he said, "No, I think it's a good day to have a baby. I've already called the hospital and they're expecting you. Don't even go home and get your hospital bag. Just go straight there and we'll start the induction." Immediately, the tears started flowing. I was excited, but I was also scared and feeling overwhelmed and underprepared, afraid of the pain and excited that we were finally going to meet our baby girl.

They started the Pitocin drip at 12:00PM on October 3rd. The first few hours were not too painful with the exception of an intense backache. Our sweet baby girl was facing the wrong way. As I said, I don't remember too much of the following labor. It became more and more intense and I escaped more and more inside of myself. By 7:00 AM the following morning, I had been in transition, the hardest part of labor, for 4 hours, but I could not progress the last centimeter required to start pushing. The doctor came in to check me one last time and said I was still at 9 centimeters dilated. I started crying and he said that I was so tense that it could be preventing me from progressing and that if I did take the epidural it might help me progress that last centimeter and avoid a C-section. I immediately begged for the epidural, anything to make the backache go away, which to me was worse than the contractions. The epidural provided immediate relief and I was assured that because it was done late in labor, it wouldn't slow down the contractions and prolong labor. I was able to dilate that last centimeter and I pushed for an hour and a half before the doctor said the C-section was imminent. I was scared. I had never had major surgery before, but I was so excited to finally meet my baby, the one I had worked so hard for.

Kadence Arrabella Anderson entered our world at 12:01PM October 4th, exactly 24 hours and 1 minute after the start of the induction. She weighed in at 9lbs 2oz and was 21 inches long.

I was upset that I wouldn't get to lay with her skin to skin and be the first to meet her, but the charge nurse came to the OR with us and laid her on me as soon as she was assessed, and so we met, before she was whisked away so that I could be stitched back together again.

They had a little trouble stopping the bleeding but after more than an hour of stitching I was able finally go meet my daughter properly. It made my heart melt to know that during that hour, Korey had been the one to bathe her and that they put off putting goop in her eyes and giving medications until I could be there with her. Korey had taken off his shirt and rocked with her, skin to skin so that she wouldn't feel alone. It's easy to see, even now, why she responds the way she does to him. At times, just the sound of his voice can calm her.

So here we are, doing the best we can with this little life we've been blessed to take care of and amazed that she is actually ours.


  1. Beautiful, beautiful story. Her story. Your story. Korey's story. And the three of you, beautiful. You are a trooper. After an epidural with the first, an epidural that only worked on one side for the second, and no epidural for the third, I understand your emotions. I am so glad that she is here and you can enjoy motherhood. You are an awesome Mommy. I still read my kids the "I Love You Forever" book. Thank you for being an inspiration as a mother 8 years before you were a mother. I cannot wait to watch her grow up!

  2. Just now finally getting to read this. Love you so much, am so very proud of you and Korey and cannot wait to finally meet your sweet girl.